Listen to your Voice

Almost TWO months have passed.

It hurts a little less but honestly, it still cuts like a knife.

I look at him, and I feel disgusted. The more I move on, the more I realize how much I truly was completely blinded by love.

Early on, he would say a lot of negative things about other people and I remember (before he swept me off my feet) hearing this little internal voice …”Maybe you can teach him to be more positive and not talk so poorly of others”

I figured I could Idaho the California out of him.

He was a classic “I’m Better than Everyone & I Know Everything about Everything” guy.

I assumed that this was just a young, California boy mindset that could be enlightened by the positivity I had.


We had been dating a few months when I remember hearing my little internal voice again…

“Don’t let him dim your positive light…”

I found myself engaging in negative conversations about people with him.

I found myself less enlightened. Less positive. Less happy.


But I was in love.

I was falling.

Hard.

He did EVERYTHING right. He said ALL the right things. He took me on amazing, romantic trips, sent me on expensive shopping sprees and made me feel like I really was the most perfect, beautiful woman he had ever met. He would drive 500 miles to see me and stay for weeks at a time. He was CRAZY about me. He loved EVERYTHING about me. There was never any doubt in my mind. Even just a couple months in, he bought me a promise ring.

He talked about our future Wedding that would be in Lake Tahoe. He talked about the little girl we would have together.

It all happened so fast- I never stopped to think about that little voice I heard early on.

I was completely blind.


Why didn’t I listen to that little voice early on?

I thought I could change him.

I definitely didn’t think he would change me…for the worst.


I don’t typically have regrets.

I believe everything happens for a reason.

Every experience shapes who we are…and for me this has always been for the better.

But…I am having a hard time not regretting him.

I regret spending so much energy and time on him.

I regret putting my heart on the line for someone who didn’t deserve it.

 He clearly wasn’t ready for anything real, even if he wanted it.


Even with the time I wasted, I don’t regret learning to…

LISTEN TO MY VOICE

&

STAND UP FOR MY CORE VALUES

&

to be INCREDIBLY PROTECTIVE OF MY HAPPINESS

 

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