Listen to your Voice

Almost TWO months have passed.

It hurts a little less but honestly, it still cuts like a knife.

I look at him, and I feel disgusted. The more I move on, the more I realize how much I truly was completely blinded by love.

Early on, he would say a lot of negative things about other people and I remember (before he swept me off my feet) hearing this little internal voice …”Maybe you can teach him to be more positive and not talk so poorly of others”

I figured I could Idaho the California out of him.

He was a classic “I’m Better than Everyone & I Know Everything about Everything” guy.

I assumed that this was just a young, California boy mindset that could be enlightened by the positivity I had.

We had been dating a few months when I remember hearing my little internal voice again…

“Don’t let him dim your positive light…”

I found myself engaging in negative conversations about people with him.

I found myself less enlightened. Less positive. Less happy.

But I was in love.

I was falling.


He did EVERYTHING right. He said ALL the right things. He took me on amazing, romantic trips, sent me on expensive shopping sprees and made me feel like I really was the most perfect, beautiful woman he had ever met. He would drive 500 miles to see me and stay for weeks at a time. He was CRAZY about me. He loved EVERYTHING about me. There was never any doubt in my mind. Even just a couple months in, he bought me a promise ring.

He talked about our future Wedding that would be in Lake Tahoe. He talked about the little girl we would have together.

It all happened so fast- I never stopped to think about that little voice I heard early on.

I was completely blind.

Why didn’t I listen to that little voice early on?

I thought I could change him.

I definitely didn’t think he would change me…for the worst.

I don’t typically have regrets.

I believe everything happens for a reason.

Every experience shapes who we are…and for me this has always been for the better.

But…I am having a hard time not regretting him.

I regret spending so much energy and time on him.

I regret putting my heart on the line for someone who didn’t deserve it.

 He clearly wasn’t ready for anything real, even if he wanted it.

Even with the time I wasted, I don’t regret learning to…







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