Almost TWO months have passed.
It hurts a little less but honestly, it still cuts like a knife.
I look at him, and I feel disgusted. The more I move on, the more I realize how much I truly was completely blinded by love.
Early on, he would say a lot of negative things about other people and I remember (before he swept me off my feet) hearing this little internal voice …”Maybe you can teach him to be more positive and not talk so poorly of others”
I figured I could Idaho the California out of him.
He was a classic “I’m Better than Everyone & I Know Everything about Everything” guy.
I assumed that this was just a young, California boy mindset that could be enlightened by the positivity I had.
We had been dating a few months when I remember hearing my little internal voice again…
“Don’t let him dim your positive light…”
I found myself engaging in negative conversations about people with him.
I found myself less enlightened. Less positive. Less happy.
But I was in love.
I was falling.
He did EVERYTHING right. He said ALL the right things. He took me on amazing, romantic trips, sent me on expensive shopping sprees and made me feel like I really was the most perfect, beautiful woman he had ever met. He would drive 500 miles to see me and stay for weeks at a time. He was CRAZY about me. He loved EVERYTHING about me. There was never any doubt in my mind. Even just a couple months in, he bought me a promise ring.
He talked about our future Wedding that would be in Lake Tahoe. He talked about the little girl we would have together.
It all happened so fast- I never stopped to think about that little voice I heard early on.
I was completely blind.
Why didn’t I listen to that little voice early on?
I thought I could change him.
I definitely didn’t think he would change me…for the worst.
I don’t typically have regrets.
I believe everything happens for a reason.
Every experience shapes who we are…and for me this has always been for the better.
But…I am having a hard time not regretting him.
I regret spending so much energy and time on him.
I regret putting my heart on the line for someone who didn’t deserve it.
He clearly wasn’t ready for anything real, even if he wanted it.
Even with the time I wasted, I don’t regret learning to…
LISTEN TO MY VOICE
STAND UP FOR MY CORE VALUES
to be INCREDIBLY PROTECTIVE OF MY HAPPINESS